amicustenebris | Duplicity

[ Carver lowers the glass slowly. He doesn't say anything for a moment. Then: ]

I killed a woman before I got pulled in here. I killed a lot of people, but her -

[ His mouth twitches. Not a smile. ]

Her name was Josephine, I think. Just a kid, really. And I killed her because she was in front of me, because her people were in the way, because they had food and we needed it.

[ There's not much of anything in his voice then. He sets the glass back down. ]

This place isn't real. It's just a trick, a game someone's playing. I know what I am, Gold. I'm the same thing I've always been.

...Do not take this for criticism. If we're going to compare body counts, you have already lost simply because I have had far more time to make questionable decisions. I don't know your circumstances intimately, but I am no stranger to people who make otherwise terrible decisions out of desperation, and survival. Look where we are. So I would be the wrong person to think I made the wrong choice in accepting your offer to come here.

[ He whets his lips. ]

But I want you to think on this, and answer me: What made you decide to tell me that?

[ He just shrugs. It is what it is. He's got no remorse because he's got no room for it. The choice was simple. His people, or strangers, and his people will win every time. Not because of God or Pope, but because Carver and Shaw made choices.

Their family above all others. Everyone else can burn to ash. ]

I don't know.

[ Truth. Carver meets his gaze head on. ]

Got nobody else to tell.

[ Mood, Carver. That is a mood. ]

...I think that, whatever circumstances caused the two of us to meet, we are in agreement on a number of important things. So perhaps I am not in any hurry to rush you out the door just yet.

[ One of these days, they'll be enemies. It's as inevitable as gravity. One of these days, Gold will go for him or Carver will take a blade to Gold's throat and hang his corpse from a tree. Just how it swings.

These things happen. But not just yet.

He tips his head back. ]

Idle hands, Gold.

[ Can't have that. ]

What am I gonna do if I stay?

My first thought was time to rest, perhaps use a bath that's not communal.

[ You're jumping the gun a bit, is what he's saying. But since you brought it up. ]

...As for anything else, or any future...whatever. You are under no obligation to do anything you do not wish to do. [ Myself included. ] Not from me.

[ Carver gives him a long, silent look. He almost asks if Gold wants to go for round two, whatever, when in Rome and all that shit. Not like it'd be a hardship. It's just what people do around here, and these moments are easier when they're transactional.

He doesn't, though. Just tips his head back and waits for a catch that doesn't come. ]

Okay. Where's your shower?

[ He nods to the door on the wall directly to the left of the double doors. ]

Master bath is through there. There is also another attached to the second room, not yet used, but properly outfitted.

[ He doesn't think of additional rounds -- because again, he does not consider his own interest and assumes there is none on the other side. ]

All at your disposal.

[ The novelty of having running water - and hot water, at that - hasn't yet worn off. Carver distrusts it instinctively, all this luxury offered out like a balm. It's a distraction and nothing more, a trick this place has been playing on unfortunate suckers for years now. He vows now - as he has before - that it will never catch him.

But he nods, because it doesn't get him anything to refuse. ]

I'm going to use it.

[ He gives Gold a look. ]

You wanna go again after, then we can do that.

[ If not, then he'll just use the hot water. And whatever fancy ass soap this place comes with. ]

I'm --

[ A blush. That's not a 'no' but he changes the subject just the same. ]

...I'll just be straightening up in the kitchen. Please take your time.

[ Hmm. Hard to miss that blush. Carver doesn't comment on it, just takes it in, the way that Gold - so controlled in other ways - reacts whenever Carver hits on him. Like he isn't expecting it, even after everything they've done.

Thoughts for later. Carver sucks on his teeth, then goes to shower.

It is what it is. ]

[ True to his word, when next Carver emerges, the bedroom is a little more tidy, and out beyond that, the plates have been cleared from the table, now clean, and Gold is clearing down the last counter. Everything carefully packed away and where it should be.

Some things are better done by hand. It gives him something to do and not think about.

Part of him wondered if he had been about to offer something more...more than round two, anyhow. He would be expected to form a contract with at least one person here, even after quota. And logically he could see the sense in making arrangements for that as quickly has he tried to manage everything else: make it a non-issue before it can become an issue. Choose someone he didn't find objectionable, who didn't seem to hate him.

But there was something crass about that. As cold and transactional as he had tried to keep things thus far, it was clear that in some places, he really could only try. ]

[ There's entirely too much soap, nearly all of it scented and worth more money than Carver's seen in a long time. The sort of luxury that would have been unthinkable once, before he started moving up in the world, and that was suddenly ripped away along with everything else after the fall. He distrusts it in the aftermath, sensing a trap. A means to lure him into a false sense of security - dangerous, even if it's not a trick that Gold's playing on him so much as this place.

He showers, in the meantime. Even uses conditioner on his hair, picking the least offensive-smelling one and just going for it.

It's nice, he thinks absently. The heat of the water, the way it scrubs the grime away. The way he feels in the aftermath. And how the exhaustion starts hitting him now that the adrenaline and endorphins aren't rushing through him anymore. He doesn't sleep much these days. Can't manage more than a few hours in a single go.

There's a cost, eventually. But he comes out in due time, won't use all of Gold's hot water, and leans against the wall. Watching for a moment, his hair loose and damp, as Gold finishes cleaning up in the kitchen. ]

You wanna do this again, let me know. I don't like cooking in the Down. The food's shit and nobody will sell anything to me.

[ Whether Carver's presence truly startles him or not, one couldn't say for sure, but he certainly looks up at the sound of his voice like he was.

It would be so easy to offer, he realizes.

But he recovers a little, the ghost of a smile appearing has he hangs a washcloth to dry. ]

...I would certainly not be opposed.

[ Glance. ]

But I'm a lot more interested in knowing what you want.

[ Hmm. So they're talking about this now. Carver shrugs, spreading his hands out. A deceptively casual gesture. Maybe one that Gold won't buy, given everything they know about each other now and all the things they've done within these walls, but habits are habits. ]

I want back with my people.

[ Simple to say. Harder to do. ]

I want a place for them to be safe, where they won't starve to death or get torn to pieces in the middle of the night. I want a place where we can remember our dead without joining them before God calls us back. Either way, I want them back. Maybe they show up and we build that here. Maybe I find a way back to them. Doesn't matter. Right here, right now?

[ He shrugs again. Watching Gold like a hawk. ]

Haven't decided. Maybe we fuck, maybe you let me crash on the floor for a while so I can ignore my annoying ass roommate. I don't care. What'd you want, Gold?

[ I want back with my people. He didn't have people so much anymore. Just her. He wanted her safe, far away from anything like this. He tired of chains. He wanted to be free, where his hand couldn't be forced.

He wanted to see where his son had been buried.

But right here? Right now? ]

...I had meant in the more immediate sense.

[ But it sent a message, to jump right to the idea of arrangements. He didn't have a lot of the things many others here could offer: he was no paragon of beauty, or desire. But he has the luxuries that most dominants are just handed when they get here. He also has his magic.

That's always been enough.

A bit of that caught him, though. His brow furrows. ]

...And I have a second bed, you know.

[ Carver snorts at that. He's used to sleeping on the ground. It's more familiar, in many ways. ]

You got a habit of not answering questions, Gold. What'd you want?

And I have told you before that what I want here matters far less.

[ Because this place treats it as though he matters more. He has had the chance in the past to have that kind of power over another person, and he has always been very careful not to let himself go in that direction. It has always been key to be sure no one is with him because they feel required. ]

We're gonna go in circles if you keep doing that, [ Carver points out blandly. They aren't enemies yet. They haven't done any damage to each other. There were, maybe, some moments that bordered trust.

And now here they stand. Staring at each other. ]

Humor me. What do you want?

[ He swallows. ]

To be with someone that I want, and who wants me for more than just what I can provide for them. And if I can't have that, it's fine -- after a while this place won't care to give me the choice to wait for it. But I'd sooner know that up front.

[ There's a sense that they're both treading too honest here, touching things that might as well be secrets. What business did Carver have remembering the dead girl's name? She was no one, just another body left in the ashes. And what business did Gold have, treating this thing with care?

Yet here they are.

Carver tips his head back. ]

You're not one of my people.

[ One day, that's going to make it very simple. ]

But you didn't fuck me up when you could have. That's worth something.

[ There's something there, then. Maybe that stung a little, even if it wasn't fully understood. ]

I'm not trying to take anyone's place. And believe me there are people that I want to go home to, as well. But I also know that for as long as I am here, until I can get home, they want me to have people. At least a person. And everyone that resists that, they will just punish more.

[ It's a practical thing. There are rules to this place. Defiance has a price, one that Carver's not willing to pay just yet. If they don't hit quota, they get fucked up. If they don't get contracts, they get fucked up. It's all control measures, humiliation, pain in certain and specific ways. Some avoidable. Some not.

Carver nods slowly, eyes never leaving Gold. ]

My people come first. Always.

[ That needs to be understood. ]

But you want me sometimes, in some ways, I can work with that.

You are going home to your people someday. I am going back to mine.

[ His tone is even and careful, there. ]

The same should be assumed for everyone here. Never under any circumstances will I require you or anyone else to forsake that.

[ He nods just once. ]

Good.

[ Just so long as that's clear. Carver leans back against the wall, watching Gold. ]

I liked cooking for you. Liked what we did after, too.

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