amicustenebris | Duplicity

That sounds inconvenient. Haven't much experience, but wondered how it's even managed, at the very least.

I lived with both my past Doms, but my current contract isn't quite the same. Which, don't get me wrong--I really like her. But I don't want to put that sort of pressure on her.

[ He's still a little thrown at the notion that he's being chatted up at all, even before taking into account that there is already a contract signed with someone else. But he's going to have to get used to that, isn't he? Quotas remain regardless of papers. ]

Generally, I thought the pressure came chiefly from the other side.

[ Aren't they supposed to shoulder that sort of thing? ]

It depends on the sort of contract you make, I think. Mine is purely friendship and necessity--both of us had deadlines coming up. And besides, City or not, subs should take care of their doms just as much as the other way around. It just might not be in ways as obvious.

I suppose I won't know until I make one.

[ Is it possible for doubt to come through via text? Whether it's for how his contract will be ordered, whether he believes caretaking must go two ways, or whether he will make one at all.

It would be so easy to blame Carver for this if he weren't making an effort in not thinking about all that. ]

How much time do you have...?

Until early May.

[ And then of course there is work, there's meeting the quota again. This place really does not care for people finding something to think about other than its particular brand of madness. ]

You have time! It'll work out. In the meantime, if you're interested in guys, I can help meet quota~. And also, you know, if you're interested, I'm also just down for a good time even if you've met quota!

I've been with men and women. Whether or not I'm interested is complicated at best.

Enthusiastic consensual sex is so much more fun, though. Unless it's pre negotiated consensual non-consent.

I do not consent to be here, and am only doing what I must to avoid being any more poorly treated than I am already. Every minute I give to that is one where I am betraying someone that I care about. It's not the most reliable state to be in if you mean to form any sort of bond.

[ And those are precarious at best. ]

[ this response comes more slowly and carefully than his previous few. ]

I don't think anyone you care for could, or should, fault you for doing what you must to survive and to maintain a certain level of comfort. None of us chose to be here, but here we are, and there doesn't seem to be any particularly reliable way of leaving. There is no need to suffer out of an attempt at martyring yourself.

And yet simply choosing for it not to matter does not seem to work.

Unfortunately, no. I'm sorry, I wish I knew what to say.

You don't have to say anything; it's not as though it is your fault I don't operate like so many others here seemingly do. I can't simply look at a person and want them, and I would be immediately skeptical of anyone that did the same to me.

[ his fingers move faster than his brain: ]

It's called being a slut.

[ and then it is IMMEDIATELY followed by his next text ]

That was a dig at myself, not anyone else, and not meant at all to be disparaging!!

[ and then a third ]

By which I mean, I sleep around a lot, and I enjoy it, and I am well aware that there are others who both do as well and don't at all. I'm lucky, I think, in that I do enjoy the pleasures of the flesh--it makes the stay here much easier. But I had recently also finally been able to have my partner accept our relationship, and had been happily monogamous before being dragged here. It's frustrating.

It's not a moral judgment on my part. Whether someone is attractive or not doesn't really...become a question, if I don't care about them in some way. There's no issue of lust overcoming loyalty. I do not have one without the other.

I am also just very accustomed to not being that for anyone else. Pipe dreams notwithstanding, if the problem lies with me, I can deal with it. All I have to do is take care of whomever I am with.

There are words for that now, I've learned. Attraction to a person only after having formed an emotional connection. I don't pretend I know and understand it all, but it's nice, I think. To have that.

Perhaps it's even the one they used on the advertisement, not that I'm keen to trust them.

But all this to say: Your professed interest is flattering, though I do not understand it, and not understanding makes it easier to assume it's a lie rather than anything genuine. I know the fault there lies with me. I am not especially experienced in any of this beyond what I have already seen here.

I was married once a very long time ago. Largely unhappily. Therein lies the bulk of my understanding. Of everything involved here. I genuinely cannot comprehend your consideration. But that is not necessarily a rejection.

May I propose the possibility of friendship instead, then? No strings attached. And I will do my best to explain myself, if you so wish. I don't mean to cause any discomfort, and will refrain from flirting unless you make it clear it would be welcome.

That all sounds fine.

I'm going to be nosy again...

As I said before, I have no issue with letting people know when I have had enough.

Just let me know. I was wondering if you'd be willing to talk about your marriage? You said it was unhappy.

What do you want to know?

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